‘You and I both want to look good in front of the board. It’s important to us for our future careers. And I know we’re both excited about this new project that we’re trying to get the budget for. So with your expertise in report writing and my ability to sell to the board, imagine how it will be on Monday when we can go back to our teams and tell them we’ve got an even bigger budget than we set out and that we’ve got the go-ahead for this project.’

As we grew up and began to explore the world away from our families, we developed special relationships with people who felt like family. These were people with whom we shared our hopes, dreams, and aspirations. They inspired us to achieve, to take risks, and to exceed our goals. With their encouragement, we were able to accomplish more than we ever thought possible alone.

Some of these special people may have been peers who then became partners. Others may have been teachers, mentors, or leaders whose interest and belief in us linked with our admiration of them. Many of us actively sought such relationships and took the initiative in forming them.

Eventually, many of us found that we too were able to inspire, encourage, and energise others. We too could be partners, mentors, teachers, and leaders. We could make people feel special and motivate them to achieve specific purposes. We engaged people to work with us by aligning them with our goals and exciting them about the possibility of forming successful alliances.

Attracting is PULL energy based on alignment. It involves two key Behaviours: Finding Common Ground and Sharing Visions.

Some people lose sight of their original goals, especially on projects that take a long time to finish. Other people feel isolated or disabled by the burden of a particular task. Some people have low energy and lack optimism and excitement. These situations are ripe for the Style of Attracting.

Attracting energises and motivates people to achieve mutual goals. When people identify with you, they are likely to rouse themselves and align their energy with yours. When they are able to envision success, their energy increases. They discover that what they cannot do alone, can be achieved together.

Attracting has a positive impact both during and after the influence attempt. It establishes a climate of optimism that supports the pursuit of long-term objectives. The details of implementation become less important than the drive to resolve them. Energy is sustained, not drained by negativity and complaining.

Attracting has the highest impact when:

• You are personally committed to the objective.

Your energy and enthusiasm are crucial ingredients of success. Your sincere commitment to joining with or supporting others will build their confidence and optimism, making them want to join with you too.

• You and the other person share common goals and aspirations.

This is essential for creating a unified vision of possible outcomes. If you do not know enough about the other person to create a shared vision when planning your influence attempt, you will have to engage the other person in generating the vision during the influence attempt itself.

• The other person trusts your motives.

An atmosphere of distrust or disbelief weakens the possibility of joining together. You must be sincere and convincing when establishing common ground and when expressing optimism about future possibilities.

• Each of you has a critical role to play; synergy is possible.

While the future must involve mutual action, it is not necessary for each party to carry out the same or equal tasks. Two talents or capabilities may complement one another. For example, your manager may be able to clear bureaucratic hurdles for you, your peers with different power bases may form a coalition with you, and so on.

• You can make or support a continued joint effort.

Your relationship with the other person must have a lifespan, even if it is narrowly centred on your Influence Objective. Your personal commitment and perseverance over a designated period of time is crucial for Attracting to be successful.

• Generating energy and a sense of purpose is a high priority.

Specific next steps or the details of implementation are less important than aligning energy. The motivated person may have different ideas about what actions to take next. Once the target is aligned with you, Sharing Visions offers this person the freedom to contribute ideas on next steps. This will cement your partnership.

• The other person is unsure or directionless.

Confusion and alienation are fertile ground for Attracting. When people see the possibility of developing a partnership leading to a positive future, they will be motivated to align themselves and respond with energetic action.

• The other person’s feelings are under control.

The other person must be able to hear and join with you in Finding Common Ground and Sharing Visions. Responding to you may be harder when he or she is emotionally distracted or disturbed. You may have to defuse or harness this energy first, before working toward your Influence Objective.

• Balance your Behaviours: let Finding Common Ground work with Sharing Visions.

Finding Common Ground and Sharing Visions work together. While Finding Common Ground is a good way to emphasise agreement, without a shared vision it doesn’t go anywhere. Meanwhile a vision without the solid anchor of common ground, may have unpredictable results.

• Eliminate Persuading: avoid facts and logic; use imagery, your senses, word pictures, metaphors, or analogies.

Focus on possibilities based on reality instead of realities based on possibilities. Use imagery, metaphors, analogies, and word pictures to reduce the chances of pushing the vision down to earth under the weight of Persuading.

• Commit yourself to the outcome: show enthusiasm and intensity.

Describe your future vision as though it has already occurred. The major appeal of Attracting is the deep intensity and enthusiasm that you bring to the process.

• Be genuine.

Halfhearted or insincere Attracting attempts do not last very long. The other person will quickly sense your lack of personal integrity and dedication to the outcome and not take you seriously.

• Establish strong common ground: identify shared goals, values, and aspirations.

Common ground based on elements such as shared goals, values, and aspirations holds the target’s energy on course. Other elements that can strengthen common ground include: agreement around issues, similar history or background, common experiences (both positive and negative), unusual circumstances that brought you together, synergy, and so on.

• Engage the target in the process.

Two heads are better than one. Finding Common Ground is more productive when both of you do the finding. Not only will you find more, you will likely agree on its mutual power. Similarly, by involving the other person in Sharing Visions, you will likely see his or her ideals more clearly and be able to merge them better with your own. Use ‘we’ and ‘us’ language, not ‘I’ and ‘you’.

Sam is late completing a sales report that Margaret, his colleague, needs to finish her business forecast. Margaret decides to influence Sam to complete his sales report by four o’clock this afternoon and to develop a plan for meeting future report deadlines. In this example, Margaret will use the Pull Energy of Attracting. She will establish common ground with Sam on their mutual need to get the report done and get Sam to share his vision of how to meet the deadline. Margaret must remember that, with the Attracting Style, energy and a sense of purpose are more likely outcomes than specific next steps.

PART ONE

Margaret: Sam, lately you and I have been like two ships passing in the night.

Sam: Yeah. We’ve hardly had time to say anything but hello.

Margaret: Right. We’ve both been really busy, but I know when we talked a couple of weeks ago, we were both excited about this report you’ve been working on — you mentioned that you were going to display the data in different ways with some interesting graphics. I’m really looking forward to seeing what you’ve come up with.

Sam: Well, I’m going to be a little late on that, Margaret, because the numbers I got from the field were wrong again so I had to spend a lot of time correcting them. And now I have to redo the calculations. Now, I don’t mean to make you late, Margaret. Believe me, I want to finish up this report just as much as you do.

Margaret: Looks like both of us have a strong need to get the report done.

Sam: Sure, sure, it’s just going to take a lot more work.

Margaret: Well, I have a feeling we can put our heads together and come up with a way to get the report done really fast. Instead of two ships passing in the night, maybe we could design a really fast ship to sail together. I can see us arriving in port by four o’clock this afternoon.

Sam: You mean get the report done by four o’clock this afternoon?

Margaret: Well, yeah. I told you it was a fast ship! You know, I really think we can do it!

Sam: Yeah, well, the problem isn’t with the ship, it’s that there aren’t any crew members on board. I mean, no one’s available to help. To stay with this nautical theme, Margaret, the captain needs a crew. I feel like the ship may be sinking.

Margaret: Well, I’m available to enlist. We can recruit some others too.

Sam: Well, I’m still not sure anyone’s available. And even with the extra help I don’t know that I can meet a four o’clock deadline. I mean, all the tasks we need to do take time and some of them can’t be done until the others are finished.

Margaret: Well, what if it were possible to get it done by four? Ideally. How many crew members would you need?

Sam: Well, okay, to get started I’d need at least three people.

Margaret: And what do you picture them doing?

Sam: Well, they could start right away on the cross-checking which is about a ten hour job. But I guess if they worked simultaneously, they could get the job done fairly quickly — maybe in about three hours. Then, the calculations and the spreadsheets would have to be done. And, maybe by that time we’d have some numbers in.

Margaret: Yeah, I think we could do this. This could work.

PART TWO

Narrator: Together, Margaret and Sam work out a plan. Margaret gets more deeply involved in the work process, becomes energised by the possibilities, and engages Sam in solving the problem. Later in the conversation, Margaret uses Attracting to get Sam to envision a more positive work process to use in the future. This time she uses Attracting to disengage.

Margaret: Sam, I’m getting really excited about the possibility of getting both our departments involved in finishing this report. You know, not just this time, but in the future too. No more separate voyages. We’ve got a chance to really make a difference here.

Sam: Right, right. I think it’s time our departments got on board together.

Margaret: Yeah! To stay with the shipping analogy, I can see us sailing into calmer waters. You know, no more leaks in the boat. With you navigating the numbers, and me steering the vessel through the reporting process, this could be smooth sailing from now on. And those admirals on the management committee will be absolutely delighted with our new, improved ship!

Sam: Sure, sure! When do we set sail?

Margaret: After we get this report finished. You know, we should have a lunch, or a launch — a lunch-launch. Let’s get everybody who worked on this together and plan our next voyage — you know, a new way to do these reports. No more last minute crunches.

Sam: Well, we do need to figure out a new way to work together. Map it out. After we do that, we can have a champagne christening of sorts, to set the ship on course.

Margaret: Oh! That sounds great!

Sam: The only problem is getting the sales organisation on board too. We need to get accurate numbers from them from the beginning. If not, all this will…

Margaret: I know, I know, they’ll sink the boat!

Sam: Yeah, exactly!

Margaret: Okay, well, now we’re getting somewhere. We’ll get the sales organisation on the crew too…

Sam: Recruit them!

Margaret: Yeah, find a way to get them on board. Let’s set sail tomorrow at our lunch-launch.

Sam: Okay, okay. We can talk about the field organisation then, too. But, if I hear one more maritime metaphor out of you, Margaret, I’m feeding you to the sharks!

STYLE: Attracting

BEHAVIOUR: Finding Common Ground

Jaws / Scars

Summary:

A moneyed oceanographer (Richard Dreyfuss) and grizzled fisherman (Robert Shaw) find some common ground.

Excerpt:

Quint: Chief… don’t you worry about it, Chief. It won’t be permanent. Wanna see somethin’ permanent, boom-boom-boom? Hey, Hoop, you wanna feel somethin’ permanent? You just put your hand underneath my cap… and you just feel that little lump. Knock an ole un, St. Paddy’s day, Boston.

Hooper: I got that beat. I got that beat. It’s a Moray eel. Bit right through my wetsuit. . .

Quint: Well, Hoop, now, listen. I, I don’t know about that but I entered an arm wrestling contest in an Oke bar in San Francisco. You see this? Now I can’t extend that, do you know why? Get to the semi-final, celebrating my third wife demise, big Chinese fella, he pulled me right over!

Hooper: Look at that . . . It’s a bull shark. Scraped me when I was taking samples.

Quint: I got somethin’ for yer. That’s the thresher you see that? Chief, thresher’s tail.

Brody: Thresher?

Hooper: It’s a shark.

Quint: You wanna drink? Drink to your leg?

Hooper: I’ll drink to your leg.

Quint: Ok so we drink to our legs.

STYLE: Attracting

BEHAVIOUR: Sharing Visions

Henry V / Saint Crispin’s Day

Summary:

Kenneth Branagh shares inspiring visions to prepare the lads for Agincourt.

Excerpt:

King Henry: He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,

Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,

And rouse him at the name of Crispian.

He that shall see this day, and live old age,

Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,

And say “To-morrow is Saint Crispian.”

Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,

And say “These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.”

Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,

But he’ll remember, with advantages,

What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,

Familiar in their mouths as household words—

Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,

Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester—

Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.

This story shall the good man teach his son;

And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remembered-

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition;

And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

Exercise 1

Another group member is interviewing you for a job. Decide on the job and set a specific Influence Objective. Use Attracting to win that person’s support. Find Common Ground with the other person and envision your potential contributions to the person and the organisation. Get the other person to Share Visions of the possibilities to be realised together if you are employed. The other person should respond naturally to your energy.

Exercise 2

Use Attracting to share with the group a future dream or hope that you have. Turn that dream into an Influence Objective. Find Common Ground to energise the group and get them to Share Visions with you about their own futures. Encourage them to envision ways to realise their dreams in their lives. The other group members should respond naturally to your energy

Exercise 3

You have just taken over as head of a work group and you are calling the group together for the first time. Set a specific Influence Objective. Use Attracting to generate enthusiasm, motivation, and a sense of purpose. Find Common Ground that each person can identify with. Share a Vision in which all can participate. The others should join in as they feel their energy engaged.

Exercise 4

Share with the group images and feelings from one of the happiest periods in your life. Use Attracting to build on this experience: show how you can create peak experiences in your present affairs. Engage the group’s energy to build a shared vision that will inspire them to recapture excitement and energy from their own past experiences and apply it to their current lives.

Exercise 5

Offer another member a job on your staff. Use Attracting to excite and motivate him or her to join your real-life work team. Find Common Ground and Share Visions about the possibilities of the two of you working together. The other person should act naturally.

Exercise 6 Get another member to play the role of your real-life manager. Use Attracting to get him or her to give you more responsibility and freedom in your work. Be specific in your Influence Objective. The other should moderately resist your attempt at first and then allow you to use Attracting as he or she feels influenced.

Exercise 7 You are responsible for chairing a key interdepartmental meeting each month. Few people from the other departments attend on a regular basis, and one person has not shown up for the last six months. You need that person’s attendance at the next meeting. Use Attracting to get this person’s alignment and commitment to attend.

Exercise 8 Your group works closely with another group. Even though the two groups share overall goals, actual group objectives differ. As you see it, the other group’s procedures slow you down and keep you from being efficient and productive. Use Attracting to influence your peer in the other group to modify the procedures to better meet your needs. Find Common Ground to build a sense of interdependence. Share a Vision of the possibilities of better cooperation.