Instructions

Objectives

Practise the Disengaging actions of Postponing, Giving and Getting Feedback, Changing the Subject, and Taking a Break.
Use Influence Styles to Disengage.
Disengage from tense, unmanageable, or rapidly changing situations.

Preparation (10 minutes)

1. Choose at least three exercises to perform from the list of exercises.

2. For each exercise:

Set an Influence Objective.

Choose the Disengaging action that you think will be the most appropriate for the situation:

Postponing: rescheduling the meeting to create more positive conditions.
Giving and Getting Feedback: Stepping back temporarily to analyse how you and the target are working together, and to modify or add ground rules.
Changing the Subject: Telling a joke or a story, or moving to a less difficult topic. Returning to the difficult topic when conditions are more positive.
Taking a Break: Suggesting a rest period, caucus, refreshment break, or meal. Including a plan to re engage.

Decide on an appropriate Influence Style to use when performing the Disengaging action. Prepare a Core Style Statement.

Influence Objective(s)
Influence Style or Behaviour you intend to practise
Core Style Statement

Performance and Feedback (50 Minutes)

1. Choose a group member to be your influence target.

2. Play out the events leading up to the Disengaging point presented in the exercise. Try to influence toward your objective. “Go back in time” and allow the events described in the exercise to develop. In other words, “rewind the tape” and play out the situation so that the tension level is more realistic. Then, attempt to disengage. Each exercise should take about 5 minutes.

3. When Disengaging, remember to:

Manage tension: neither provoke nor allow yourself to be provoked.
Attack the issue, not the person.
Be alert for evidence that the target may perceive you as Avoiding.
Convey strength and purpose.

4. After each exercise, spend about 3 to 5 minutes giving or getting feedback from the group. Use the following questions to guide the discussion:

Was the Disengaging action (Postponing, Giving and Getting Feedback, Changing the Subject, and Taking a Break) chosen by the influencer appropriate for the situation? What other Disengaging actions might the influencer have used? Why?
Which Style did the influencer use to Disengage? How effective was the influencer’s use of this Style to Disengage?
Is there anything that the influencer might do differently next time in trying to Disengage from a similar situation?

5. At the end of the session take time to record useful feedback and learning in your Journal

Exercise 1: The Low Reactor

You are presenting a policy recommendation to a peer or boss who is not giving you the feedback you need to gain final approval. You are making no progress and realise that continuing the approach you have been using will be unproductive. You would prefer a “yes,” but even a clear “no” would be better than no answer at all. Choose another group member to play the role of the peer or boss, who is a low-reactor and seems unable or unwilling at this time to give you the approval you need. Try to influence, get resistance, then Disengage.

Exercise 2: The Negative Reactor

You are in the middle of trying to resolve a long-standing conflict with a co-worker in your department. You have made good progress until the last several minutes of your discussion. Now this person has started, unaccountably, to push back at you very hard. You are feeling under pressure and starting to get angry at this change in behaviour. You believe that you are in imminent danger of losing control of your emotions. Choose a group member to be your co-worker who is now reacting very negatively. Try to Disengage without Avoiding.

Exercise 3: The Road Block

You are a production manager attending a meeting with your quality control counterpart to review the results of a critical test run on a new procedure. From the results at hand, you believe that there is ample justification to start production. However, the quality control person has just begun to refer to “past problems with similar procedures,” and, when pressed, is either unable or unwilling to be specific. You are surprised by this new information, and you suspect that there is a lot being left unsaid. The result is that you are not moving any closer to making a decision and you are wasting your time. Choose a group member to play the quality control manager. Try to influence, get resistance, then Disengage.

Exercise 4: Get Out Your Handkerchiefs

You are conducting a tough but constructive performance review with a direct report who has great potential but lacks certain elements of personal discipline. You know that this behaviour will be harmful to the person’s professional career unless quickly remedied. Choose another member to be the direct report who is obviously under great personal stress and has begun to lose focus: hands and voice are trembling, eyes show tears, and eye contact has decreased. You realise that going any further, at this time, may lead to an emotional outburst that will undo any progress you have already made in the performance review. Try to Disengage.

Exercise 5: Pressure Tactics

A customer or internal client is pressuring you to complete a project two weeks earlier than planned. You are not willing to change the schedule because rushing to complete the project may have serious quality consequences. Your client is very upset that you seem unwilling to comply with this request and is trying to blame you for a situation you cannot control. Use Disengaging to diffuse this person’s distress and to turn the meeting toward a more productive outcome.

Exercise 6: Lip Service

You are meeting with your manager to discuss process improvements you have identified. Your manager is expressing agreement with you which you suspect is insincere. You believe that your manager has no intention of acting on your recommendations. You cannot tell whether your manager is withholding his or her true feelings, simply does not care, or needs time alone to think about your suggestions. You do not want the meeting to continue in this fashion. Disengage to manage the situation more productively.

Exercise 7: Fatal Flaw

You are about to begin a meeting with an important customer or internal client from another department. The purpose of the meeting is to discuss a critical project your department is about to complete for this client. Just before entering the meeting room, you are handed a note from your boss about a serious flaw just discovered in one of the project deliverables. You do not want to reveal this to the client. You would prefer to explore this problem with your own people before conducting the client meeting. However, the meeting participants have rearranged their schedules to make the meeting possible, and they are expecting to get a project update now. Disengage without abandoning your Influence Objective.

22 Disengaging with Power