PERSUADING – BRIDGING

2 people    

No facilitator input needed

30 – 60 minutes

• 30 minutes (without video review)
• 60 minutes (if recorded and with full review)

Instructions

Objective

Use this exercise to practise the Bridging Style. You can also use the exercise to practise Persuading. Each has a role in the activity that allows for Style practice and feedback on Style use.

Time requirements

You will need no more than 30 minutes if you wish to:

• Conduct the exercise informally, during a coffee break or other get-together.
• Use the exercise solely to gain further Style practice, without recording or systematically analysing your behaviour.

You will need 60 minutes if you wish to record the exercise and review the tape. (You may require additional time if you have three people in your group; see below.)

Preparation (3 minutes)

• Appoint a timekeeper, and adhere to the time schedule.
• Work with someone whose views, ideas, or proposals differ from your own. This may be because you think differently, compete with this person, or are better informed on certain subjects.
• Identify an issue you frequently (or can now consent to) disagree on. Make a contract to use this topic for this exercise. Then, allow a minute or two for both of you to prepare.
• Now, one of you should volunteer to take the Bridging role first. The other person will use Persuading.
• If there are three people in the group, one person should be an observer while the other two conduct a first round of the exercise. Then, the observer in the first round should engage in Bridging during a second round.

The exercise (20 minutes maximum)

If you are recording this exercise, turn the tape recorder on now, and let it run throughout this step of the exercise.

The person presenting should express his or her views on the topic. Concentrate fully on what this person is saying, thinking, and feeling. Work on “turning down the volume” on that part of your thinking devoted to counter arguments or rebuttals. During this activity, the person presenting should lead using Push Energy, and you should follow, using the Bridging Style.

As your partner talks, actively test and express your understanding by using Bridging Behaviours:

• Involving: Ask the person presenting to repeat, if necessary. Look for opportunities to ask follow-up or guiding questions. Encourage the person presenting to create options or explore areas of flexibility.
• Listening: Stop talking; withhold critical thinking and defensive reactions. Restate the speaker’s exact words (parrot), if necessary.Paraphrase in your own words the position of the person presenting as you heard it. Look for opportunities to reflect underlying feelings or empathise. Identify and reflect potential negative consequences when the person presenting alludes to them. If you get a chance, show an arbitrary or optimistic mirror (“So, you’re saying there’s no way at all…” or “So you’re saying that the most we could agree on is…”). Tactically focus on emotional barriers as you hear them expressed.
• Disclosing: Acknowledge confusion or lack of direction. Look for opportunities to put yourself in the position of the person presenting. Selectively work to reduce emotion or build trust.

Continue your discussion in this manner for 10 minutes. Then reverse roles for an additional 10 minutes. The person who was Bridging should now present the other side of the argument. The person who presented first should now engage in Bridging.

If you have been tape recording this activity, stop and rewind the tape after 20 minutes. (Continue recording if you are conducting a second round with another person doing the Bridging)

At the end of the session take time to record useful feedback and learning in your Journal.