A theme that is frequently voiced when people are brought together for the first time is: “I would like to get to know you, but I don’t know how”. Getting to know another person involves a learnable set of skills and attitudes. The basic dimensions of encountering another person are self disclosure (talking about one self) and non-possessive caring. In an understanding and non-judgmental atmosphere one confides significant information about himself to another who then reciprocates by disclosing information about him/herself.
This communication results in a greater feeling of trust, understanding, and acceptance. The relationship becomes closer, allowing more significant self disclosure and greater risk taking. As the two continue to share their authentic experience they come to know and trust each other in ways that may enable them to be highly resourceful to each other.
This dyadic encounter experience is designed to facilitate getting to know another person on a fairly intimate level. The discussion items are open-ended statements and can be completed at whatever level of disclosure you choose.
The exercise
These ground rules should be followed:
- Take turns initiating discussion. The open-ended statements should be completed orally.
- All of this discussion is confidential.
- Don’t look ahead.
- The statements are to be completed in the order in which they appear.
- Each partner responds to each statement before continuing.
- Don’t skip items.
- You should both feel comfortable enough to decline any question asked by your partner.
Click the first line to begin
My name is . . .
My place of birth is . . .
I now live . . .
I have x siblings . . .
My favourite thing we’ve done on the programme so far is . . .
My favourite sport is . . .
The most important skill in developing relationships is listening. To begin improving your ability to hear each other, complete the following item in two or three sentences. The listener then repeats in his or her own words what you said; then the listener completes the item, and you paraphrase what you heard.
Ten years from now I . . .
When each of you has had a turn, share what you may have learned about listening.
I am happiest when . . .
Right now I am feeling . . .
I get nervous when . . .
My dream is . . .
Briefly discuss how this exchange is developing.
I feel most excited when . . .
Right now I am feeling . . .
One thing I hope to take from this experience is . . .
I am proud of . . .
Listening check: “What I hear you saying is. . .”
I care about . . .
The things that motivate me are . . .
Have a brief discussion of what your responses to the last four items say about you. Draw generalisations about each other.
I usually react to negative criticism by. . .
The world will be a better place when . . .
Something I like about you is. . .
I am at my most vulnerable when. . .
I came on this programme because . . .
During the past few months I’ve been. . .
Listening check: “What I hear you saying is. . .”
The next thing I’m going to try to accomplish is. . .
My general image of you is. . .
I prefer to get feedback. . .
As a member of a team I . . .
I prefer to work with people who. . .
Right now I’m feeling. . .
One thing that interests me about you is. . .
I am imagining that you. . .
The next step in my career development seems to be. . .
I stand for . . .
Have a brief discussion of how this conversation is going so far. How open are you being? How do you feel about your participation up to this point?
I need to. . .
Here’s an actual situation in which I was involved. (Explain.)
What do you think I did?
How do you think I felt?
I’m hoping that. . .
Listening check: “What I hear you saying is. . .”
I think you see me as. . .
My own personal goals are to. . .
Have a brief discussion of your reactions to this conversation.